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February 18, 2008 | mtg, humor
GOOD GAMERY ST. PATRICK'S DAY CONTEST CONTENT
A Delicious New Plane Awaits
by Pterrus

Good news everyone! Our operatives have returned from the time rift and have come up with a partial spoiler from the set code named “Live!” Many Bothans died to bring us this information.

Turns out, the set is really called “Delis of Gastronomica” and the set’s theme focuses on a powerful new card type! Without further ado…

White

Ham Sandwich on Wonder Bread - W
Sandwich - Delicious (Common)
Eat - Put 2 +1/+1 counters on the creature that eats this. (To eat a sandwich, tap an untapped creature you control and sacrifice the sandwich.)

Hungry Cadet - W
Creature - Human Soldier (Common)
Whenever Hungry Cadet eats a sandwich, put a +1/+1 counter on it.
"Plains, this guy, go."
1/1

Virtual Time Walk - 1W
Sorcery (Uncommon)
Untap target creture that ate a sandwich this turn.
Draw a card.
"Okay Flores, this time you're really stretching it."

Hypochondria - 2W
Enchantment (Rare)
Your life total is 10 more than you think it is.

Red

Buffalo Chicken Sandwich with Bacon - 1R
Sandwich - Delicious (Common)
Eat - The creature that eats this sandwich gets +4/+0 and first strike until end of turn. (To eat a sandwich, tap an untapped creature you control and sacrifice the sandwich.)

Ironclaw Sandwichsmith Czar - 2RR
Creature - Orc Gourmand (Common)
When Ironclaw Sandwichsmith Czar comes into play, you may search your library for a delicious sandwich and put it into play.
2/3

Sauté - 2R
Sorcery (Common)
Sauté deals 5 damage to target player over a period of 2 to 3 minutes until they are a deep golden brown.

Blue

The One Sandwich to Rule Them All - 1UU
Legendary Sandwich - Delicious (Mythic)
Eat - The creature that eats this sandwich becomes unblockable, has shroud, and refuses to share it with anyone because it is a dick. (This effect does not end at end of turn.)

The Ultimate Crime of Unforgivable Sin - U
Sorcery (Rare)
Gain control of target sandwich.

Your Cake - 2UU
Sorcery - Arcane (Common)
Choose one - Have Your Cake, or eat it.
Entwine: THERE IS NO ENTWINE.

Distant Jingle - 3U
Instant (Common)
Draw cards equal to the highest converted mana cost among sandwiches you control.
"Five dolla foot looooooooong!"

Scornful Egosandwich - 8U
Sandwich - Surly (Uncommon)
Eat - Return the creature that eats this to its owners hand. (To eat a sandwich, tap an untapped creature you control and sacrifice the sandwich.)
Morph U

Green

Bizarrogoyf - 1G
Creature - Lhurgoyf (Rare)
Bizarrogoyf gets -1/-1 for each card type among cards in all graveyards. (The card types are artifact, creature, enchantment, instant, land, planeswalker, sorcery, tribal, and sandwich.)
9/10

Sandwich of Oaks - 3G
Sandwich - Not-Terribly-Delcious (Uncommon)
Eat - Put 7 +1/+1 counters on the creature that eats this. (To eat a sandwich, tap an untapped creature you control and sacrifice the sandwich.)

Famished Famished River Horse - 3GG
Creature - Hippo Rogue (Common)
Trample
When Famished Famished River Horse deals combat damage to a player, you may have it eat target sandwich that player controls.
4/4

Relentless Groffskithur - 5G
Creature - Beast (Common)
Whenever Relentless Groffskithur becomes blocked, you may return target card named Relentless Groffskithur from your graveyard to your hand.
A deck can have any number of cards named Relentless Groffskithur.
3/3

Colossal Sandwich - 2GG
Sandwich - Shapeshifter (Rare)
Changeling (This sandwich is all sandwich types at all times.)
Eat - The creature that eats this sandwich gets gains protection from black and +X/+X until end of turn, where X is its power.

Form of the Hoagie - 1G
Enchantment (Mythic)
You can't cast spells.
You can't be the target of spells or abilities your opponents control.
Creatures you control have: "T: You lose the game."

Black

Dumpster Diver - 3B
Creature - Human Programmer (Common)
When Dumpster Diver comes into play, you may return a sandwich from a graveyard to play under your control.
"Hey, this sandwich is still good! It's not gluten free though..."
2/3

Word of Command of Make Me a Sammich - BB
Sorcery (Rare)
Search target player's hand and library for a sandwich card and put that card into play under your control. That player must draw as much mana as possible from lands he or she controls to pay for the sandwich.
If the target player is of the opposite sex, search for two sandwiches instead.

Broodwich - 3BB
Legendary Sandwich - Demon (Mythic)
Eat - The creature that eats this sandwich gains "Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, that player loses the game." (This effect does not end at end of turn. Also, you just lost the game.)
"Mmmm, sun dried tomatoes."

Mayor McCheese - 2BB
Legendary Sandwich Creature - Delicious Human (Rare)
Eat - Cause civil unrest in McDonaldland. We're pretty sure that any human creature that eats this guy counts as a cannibal and is a sick fuck.
3/3

Fuck You Elemental - BBBBB
Creature - Elemental Asshole (Rare)
1B, Sacrifice Fuck You elemental: You and target player both lose the game.
Remove Fuck You Elemental from your deck before the game if playing with fewer than 3 players.
PS, you just lost the game again.
6/6

Land

Brass Land
Land (Rare)
Add 1 to your mana pool.
Brass Land does not untap during your untap step.
1: Untap Brass Land. Play this ability only during your upkeep.

Hill From the Sound of Music
Land - Terranthrope (Uncommon)
Hill From the Sound of Music comes into play tapped.
T: Add G to your mana pool.
2GG: All terranthropes you control become 4/4 creatures with trample. (This effect doesn't end at end of turn.)

Multicolored

Irony - 2UG
Creature - Incarnation (Uncommon)
Trample, Unblockable
When Irony is in your graveyard, creatures you control have trample and are unblockable.
"It's like raaaaaaaain..."
3/2

Nicol Bolas, Plainswalker - 2UUBBRR
Legendary Creature - Elder Dragon (Mythic)
Plainswalk
7/7

Artifact

Concrete Rockin' Moroccan - 7
Legendary Artfact Sandwich - Delicious Grinder Equipment (Rare)
Equip: 3
Equipped creature gets +4/+4 and may eat the Concrete Rockin' Moraccan if it is tapped.
Eat - The creature that eats this sandwich gets +9/+0 until end of turn. Sacrifice it at end of turn.

Brown Paper Bag With Your Name on It - 0
Artifact (Uncommon)
Sandwiches you control have shroud.


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